So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
