And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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