Already got asked if we're dating
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
