Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
