Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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