I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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