Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i think i just lost a toe
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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