I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
