I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
