You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
