before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
