dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize