The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
