Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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