Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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