she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
