If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
