I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
