I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
