what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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