Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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