they need to just BURY HIM!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
