He had one of those small greek statue penises
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
