There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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