Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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