Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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