So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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