So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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