i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
