gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
