I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
