tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
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Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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