remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
