"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
