hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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