SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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