Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
