You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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