You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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