she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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