i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
