I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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