tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
