That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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