Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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