Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
