everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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