Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
