Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
