you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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