I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
