no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
