I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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