dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
