Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
