he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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