Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
