i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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