i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
