hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
