We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
