How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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