she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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