speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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