Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
try to milk me bitch
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