that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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