ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
