I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
accomplished twins. life is a go
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dicks are not precious.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
