I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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