Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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