I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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