This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
