I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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