I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
