Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You ruined the universe
Randomize
