wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
