how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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