If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
