I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
