Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
