Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
