Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
