I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
