Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
