I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
