2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
