allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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